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About the Aftereffects
There are aftereffects
associated with being in the sex
industry.
The sex industry brands
the psyche of the person with its
stigma. Prostitution is a form of
sexual violence, a severe form of
sexual abuse. Many of the same
aftereffects of sexual abuse survivors
apply to sex industry survivors.
Joe Parker, of the Lola
Baldwin Foundation, states that
“Prostitution becomes an irrevocable
identity, one that is very difficult
to discard.” And so together, we work
to help you discover your true
authentic self.
Together, we will work
to uncover, discover and discard the
faulty sense of self that is the cause
and the source of our symptoms.
There are a
constellation of symptoms associated
with participation in this world.
·
Sexual dysfunction or
avoidance of sex
·
Feeling like you’ve
turned a trick without getting paid
·
Disassociation (feeling
split off from your feelings)
·
Sexual overdrive and
promiscuity
·
Drug and or
alcoholism
Other things don’t go
away simply because we stop involving
ourselves with the industry. Some of
these symptoms or problem areas might
include:
·
Depression
·
Nightmares
·
Anxiety attacks
·
Sleep disorders
·
Flashbacks
·
Phobias; compulsions
·
Post-traumatic stress
disorder.
Sexual Challenges
Sexual dysfunction is a
very common trait in sex industry
survivors. We call it “The Split.”
This is a complete sexual shut down or
disassociation between the body and
the mind during sex. Others also
describe this as turning a trick
without getting paid.
Other members describe
a feeling that any sexual encounter is
really an act. We are unable to
experience what we have heard is
called: “Lovemaking.” It isn’t
“lovemaking” to us. It is an
experience, an act, a fantasy, where
we stand outside of the experience
viewing our performances. We feel
split off from our sexual experiences.
This is “The Split,” or a sense of
being disassociated.
Why Does it Hurt to
Love You?
Yet another common
symptom or characteristic of sex
industry survivors is the tendency
towards addictive and abusive romantic
relationships. It is almost as if at
some level we feel we deserve the
abuse. Caught in a vicious cycle, we
rescue alcoholics and/or addicts. This
gives us a temporary feeling of
importance. Because we are just as
powerless over another’s addictions as
our own, we cross an invisible line
and lose control. We ignore the
warnings signs that were usually
there, those big bold letters marked:
“TOXIC.”
·
Domestic violence
·
Verbal abuse
·
Codependency
·
Caretaking
The most graphic
example of this type of relationship
is the pimp/whore relationship.
Traditionally, the pimp operates by
undermining the prostitute’s self
esteem so that, over time, she begins
to believe that she really is
worthless, and powerless without his
“protection.”
Yet many survivors
never associate with official pimps.
But if we look at our history, we may
find an individual who had many of the
characteristics.
Behaviors we might
expect from this type of personality
include:
·
Attacking our
(current/or previous) lifestyle and
then financially profiting from it
·
Abusive to our sense of
integrity
·
Attempting to control
our activities
·
Forcing us to engage in
sexual activities that are no longer
appropriate for who we are today.
Post-Traumatic Stress
Disorder (PTSD)
PTSD stands for
post-traumatic stress disorder—a set
of emotional problems that occur after
someone has experienced a terrible,
stressful life event. Another way to
think about PTSD is “after trauma
anxiety reaction.”
Sex industry survivors
often suffer from PTSD that they first
experienced in their childhood,
coupled with the stress of being
involved with sex work. The founder of
our program began to experience severe
PTSD after she had been out of the
industry for over a decade. “I believe
the stress disorder was brought on
because of the abusive marriage I got
into,” she said. “After he found out I
had been a prostitute he would say
things like: once a whore always a
whore. I felt emotionally flattened on
a daily basis. Because I didn’t have
anyone to discuss my past with, I
started acting out and being
promiscuous.”
If we have not dealt
with the issues surrounding our
involvement in the industry, we will
inevitably re-create the pain and
drama that is familiar to us. Long
buried pain and fears become
triggered, and we experience the
stress now, that we were unable to
experience then.
As our founder’s
experience shows us, we are then at a
high-risk to either relapse
completely, or act out our addiction
in seemingly innocent ways that
eventually might catch up with us.
These might include: sexual
compulsivity, or finding ways to get
others to pay for things we are
capable of paying for ourselves. In
other words, we set up a form of an
exchange. We barter our sexual energy
for some type of material
compensation. While all this is going
on, we may not even think of it as a
relapse. That is why we need to stay
in the meetings. The meetings will
keep us out of denial.
Recovery Is the Way Out
Whether we were a
stripper, a phone sex operator, a porn
actor, a live website performer, a
street prostitute or an exclusive call
girl, we have found that our
experience of addiction gives us a
common bond. We are addicted to that
first transaction, and once we take
that first transaction, we lose
control over where the disease will
take us.
For some, the outcomes
are jails, institution, or death.
There is an extremely high mortality
rate for those of us with multiple
addictions. And even if we get out, if
we do not address the shame, the pain,
and the hurt that come from turning
our sexuality into a product for sale,
we will continue to feel a sense of
disgrace.
Recovery helps us come
out of the closet, and tell the
secrets that we thought we would take
to the grave with us. We discover that
we are only as sick as our secrets. We
find, through listening to those who
have shared our addiction, that often
incest, cultural expectations, and a
shattered self esteem created a belief
that the sex industry was our only way
to survive.
We
draw strength from a dynamic spiritual
truth that is at the core of our
twelfth step: one sex industry
survivor helping another. We find that
the therapeutic value of one sex
industry survivor helping another is
without parallel. |
